You’ve heard that everyone in your life serves as your mirror. That when others do things you don’t like that they reflect back to you the things you don’t like within yourself. But, we have a hard time recognizing that, because we’re focused outside of ourselves.
We judge, blame, and become angry at others for what we regard as their wrong-doing or their weaknesses; they talk too much, they’re too emotional, they’re critical of others. Yep, we’re focused squarely on them, angry, blaming, judging; our perceptions protecting us from looking within.
Case in point: I was driving with my husband (now my ex). He’s angry at the driver in front of him. “That a—hole! He’s weaving back and forth, weaving back and forth!” Then what does my husband do? He weaves back and forth, weaves back and forth… I quietly say to him, “Now who’s the a—hole?”
So who’s the a—hole? Yeah, sure him… and definitely me! There I was trying to demonstrate to my husband that he was the a–hole, but in so doing, I had become the judge, just like he had. The moral of the story? Neither he nor I wanted to be a—holes, and by targeting others, tag we’re it!
When we blame or judge others, we spin our wheels and give our power away.
Instead, we can conduct a “You-Turn” and turn our attention to ourselves, our reaction and discern what it’s trying to do for us.
And in so doing, we begin the process of becoming transparent. First with ourselves and then with others. Looking within presents the opportunity to define what’s cooking there, to acknowledge it and then dare to express it to others.
So, here’s your opportunity: when you find yourself angry, judgmental or blaming, courageously turn your attention to yourself and ask yourself, “What is this reactivity trying to tell me?”
Let’s recognize that we ARE at the center of our own universe, and we might as well take advantage of it!